I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
