i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
