I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
this hospital has no fireball
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
