He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
