i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm too high and old for this...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
