we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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