If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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