remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
