remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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