So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
