its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
