is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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