Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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