I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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