Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
