all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
