this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
