3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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