good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
