was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
