she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
