So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
