we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
