she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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