Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
