Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
