She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
