So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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