WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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