Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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