Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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