new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
