Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
