so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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