i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you didnt know i had herpes?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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