I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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