Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
