I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
