Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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