But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
