A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
