and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
COCAINE IS GR8
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
