its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
