wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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