so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
