I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
