If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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