My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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