Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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