just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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