while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
