I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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