I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
my poor anus
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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