Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
