I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
