1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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